Author: emmanuelonimisi

PORTAL

Portal header

It’s December 31 and as midnight approaches, the world prepares to enter into the New Year.
But 3 find themselves trapped in the final moments of 2019. The world as they know it goes insane as reality, time and space collide. As they struggle to make sense of the madness around them, they seek to find a way out.

Enter a world where nothing is as it seems. Where yesterday and today are one and the same.

It’s a parable in six-parts. Think of it more like a Netflix miniseries. You can binge-watch by reading in one sitting, or you can pick each episode anytime you want.

Your journey begins here:

Episode One: The Pause

Episode Two: Road Trip!

Episode Three: Just in Time

Episode Four: Back in Time

Episode Five: The Wager

Episode Six: Home

An Afterword

 

You can read offline by downloading the story in PDF or EPUB format as well.

 

Twenty

Twenty years.
It sure doesn’t feel like twenty years already. But I know that the years inbetween have been loaded with oh so much. This was probably the hardest article I’ve ever written because, while I knew I needed to get it done, I just haven’t been able to get through it. If you are reading this then that means that I succeeded (Yay!)
I can still remember that cold December of 1999. My father, after a long week of ministrations (yeah, he was a Pastor) and work (and yeah, he was a surgeon in orthopaedics), took us out as a family one Saturday. I always look back on that weekend, wondering if he knew it would be our last family outing, something we had not done in a long while. I sure didn’t.
That Monday, he was coughing profusely. He was taken to the hospital in an ambulance with my Mum and some of our church family. My siblings and I spent the night and the next couple of days at the house of a family friend and fellow associate pastor.
I can remember the midmorning of the 14th, when my Mum came with our Senior Pastor’s wife, Pastor Mrs Obasi-Ike, and we were called to meet with them in the living room. We were watching The Lion King for probably the 100th time when they called us. Quite the foreshadowing, huh.
I don’t remember what Mrs Obasi-Ike said. I only remember her speaking about my Dad, and the line that would define the rest of my life. “…he has passed on to glory. He is dead.”
I remember my sister Joana’s sudden gasp. My Mum’s eyes had been red all along, and now I knew why. I don’t remember my brother and older sister’s reactions. I too was processing the news.
I remember them all going inside and me staying in the living room with the other church ladies. They were talking about how I was probably not reacting because I was too young to understand. But this 7-year old boy did. My father had died. He was no longer here. I would never see him again. These facts were dawning on me gradually.
I cried that night.
The rest of the week passed by in a swift blur with every detail impressed on us. From the Service of Songs to the Funeral to the trip back home and on to his home town for the burial ceremony. We spent Christmas in Zaria with our family friends, the Adepojus, and New Years’ with our Grandpa in Offa.
I remember Grandpa commenting on how it was a new millennium. My Dad never got to see the new millennium.
I always wonder how my brother and sisters went through it all. We talk about it from time to time, but I know it’s not the same. For me especially, my mindset of the world and my existence was forever changed. I would go through my teenage years and adolescence with full consciousness of something lacking. I would observe my classmates and contemporaries and be always reminded that I was missing something. Sometimes I wondered if I would turn out well, or how I could turn out into the complete individual that I was supposed to be.
I wonder how my Mom felt through it all. We talk about it too, and will most likely talk some more today. I know it hit her the hardest. She would take on dual roles for the rest of our lives, something she never prepared for.
I know we all had a lot of questions too. Could it have been avoided? If we hadn’t been where we were would it have turned out this way? Did we pray enough? Was there something we could have done? If our parents hadn’t married, would this have happened?

GOD’S PROVISION
God used many people to cushion the effect of the loss. Oh, I am so grateful for our family in The Redeemed Christian Church of God in East Africa and here in Oyo Province 2. I am grateful for our family in The Navigators worldwide and in Nigeria. I am grateful for the support of our friends in Calvary Ministries (CAPRO).
I am grateful for our family: Aunty Deborah and Uncle Yakubu, Daddy Glory and family, Uncle Sola and Aunty Florence, Uncle Gbenga, Uncle Rotimi and Uncle Femi. They were instrumental in much of our childhood even till now.
For the Adepojus, the Babatundes, the Gbadamosis, the Ozidus, the Baiyes, the Onukas, Pastor Oni, Pastor Bolanta, Dr Arije, the Macauleys, the Gbades, and so many many many others.
There was so much support from people who accommodated us until we were able to stand on our feet. Who helped my Mum to get her car. Who were willing to sponsor our education. Who assisted my Mum in getting a job. Who drove us to and from church for months. Who have kept lifelong friendships
One of God’s greatest gifts to us was Family.

CHALLENGES
It hasn’t always been rosy. We have had our conflicts and bumps along the way, but God has healed every hurt.
Financially, we had to learn contentment early. I can still remember the day we cashed my mother’s N37,000 cheque on the deadline when we were supposed to pay the N30,000 acceptance fee for my admission into secondary school. You can imagine what we had for the rest of the month. Looking back I don’t remember the lack as much as the fact that we were fine.
We had to learn not to expect people to feel sorry for us. The world really doesn’t slow down for you to get back on your feet, you know. We learnt to make the best of what was provided.
It wasn’t always easy. But God has been with us all the way. Some places and opportunities we got were purely by divine favour and not through the machinations of human ingenuity.

LEGACY
God blessed us with a great man as father, and an amazingly super-woman as mother. Bringing these two lovers of God together was God’s wisdom. Godly homes are His wisdom in action, I tell you.
These two had giant libraries of books and videos full of godly material. From music to encyclopaediae to doctrinal writ we had access to so much that, even after Dad was gone, we had a great heritage to build on.
Many of the verses I know off-the-cuff were songs my Mum used to sing casually while doing other work. How would I not remember these Scriptures, especially in the moments when I need them?
Their good record gained them strategic friendships that have transcended times. Many people have favoured us because of our parents’ track record. All our lives we’ve met people who see us and reminisce on some good thing my parents did for them. Even to this day in my new workplace, a visiting retired staffer told me he was treated in my Dad’s hospital.

Our greatest treasure is Jesus.

Godly homes are strategic displays of God’s wisdom, and we are blessed to be the product of one.

HEALING
Going through these together helped in keeping us close. We had our fights and misunderstandings through the years, but at our core we always knew we were the best we had.
God blessed us with the gift of humor and laughter. My Mum bursts with joy and is now uncomfortable where people are frowning or down. She adds life wherever she is. Her grandkids love her so much.
Knowing my father was in heaven with God pulled me to seek God and the heaven He spoke of. I became a sort of escapist believer from a young age, devouring everything I could on heaven and the end times. I lived expecting the return of Jesus in my youth. But little did I know that God was using those times to shape my heart to seek Him, not just for heaven, but because He is worth seeking. Because of His love.
I grew up to understand that God is my Father. I grew to understand that my father had been a caretaker whose time was completed, and that God had always been my Father. That didn’t always make it all better, but I’ve lived most of my life with that understanding.
My siblings and I have been tools in God’s hand to encourage and bless many in our words and influence. No, we’re not celebrities or anything. But I hear testimonies and am thankful how God brought us out of the gloom we experienced.

LOOKING AHEAD
There is much that needs to be said of the challenges my father faced growing up and how God helped him become the man he was, but this is not the place for it. It is not my story to tell yet. But someday we will.
Do I still miss him? Of course I do, mostly because I am gradually forgetting the details of the person I am missing. To this very day I have my moments where I reminisce with God, where I cry my eyes out, and where I rise with the assurance that He is my Father and is with me.
The family has grown so much bigger. All of my siblings are married now with wonderful kids, to God’s glory. I am a grateful uncle!
Once, one of my nephews saw a picture of my Dad and didn’t want to let go of it. That tore at our hearts, realizing he recognised someone he had never met. Imagine when they finally really meet.
I can’t wait for my Dad to meet everyone.
I know he is at rest in the presence of the Lord he followed. I know when Jesus returns we will be reunited. Our attention will be taken by the Lord of course, and that’s where it should be.

WHY DID I WRITE THIS?

I know that someone else is going through similar cases of loss. I wrote this as an encouragement. There really is light beyond this tunnel because God is your Light.Our experiences may not be the same. But with the pen of our lives in the hand of the Great Storyteller, we are assured that will bring beauty in our stories, no matter how dark it might seem now.
When you trust Him with your life, you can also trust Him with your future. He is able to keep you and show you His beauty in the places of the ashes you have seen.
You are not alone.
I pray, above all, this is an encouragement to you as well. When Jesus died and rose He defeated death and the power it should have over us. He can give you the experience of that victory, going through life without the fear of death and its loss.
Treasure the memories of your loved one, though they may be gone. Thank God for the time you had with them. Commit the pain and hurt and regret and anger that you may feel to Him. He can take it. You can’t bear it alone. Don’t hold it inside.
Grieve. You have the right to. You must. But remember that you have hope in Jesus.
Talk about them. Talk about the good times and the questions you have. Don’t keep it inside.
If you’ve read this far, I encourage you also to be a listening ear for someone. Ask how they are doing, and care enough to listen.
If you need to share with, feel free to reach me at eonimisi@gmail.com.
Here’s to healing.
Here’s to victory.

He gives beauty for ashes

Strength for fear

Gladness for mourning

Peace for despair.

Grace, Truth, Love and Life

While It’s new and refreshing
It doesn’t always look dashing.
It’s covered in the grime and scrapes and scars
It risked in coming to where you are
To pull you up to where He is.
The cost of love, of sacrifice.
Goodness defined doesn’t always look nice.
This is what Grace looks like.

It sets before you a Standard
Far better than the you you’ve known.
You realise there’s a change you need.
And it tells you, “You are not alone.”
It builds you up, opens your eyes
Drops all masks and every guise
Leaves no room for lies.
That’s what Truth looks like.

The law of God shows His righteousness
From which we all fell short.
But His grace and truth came in Jesus Christ
Bringing all the Life and help He’s got.
Hor all that trust in Him
He holds in life through thick and thin,
Cleansing us from sin.
That’s what His Love looks like.

This teaches us to honour the Lord Not to take for granted His Cross
To follow Him in love and trust Counting as gain what, for His sake, is loss.
In surrender to His Sovereignty
We find our true identity.His divinity in my humanity. This is what Eternal Life looks like.🙂

P.S.: I fear that in my attempts to rhyme
Deep truths were oversimplified. But painting pictures in your heart is what this was for
As the Lord beckons you to explore His ‘more’.
😉

Known

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (20th Century Fox/Walden Media)

“But who is Aslan? Do you know him?” [asked Eustace.]
“Well–he knows me,” said Edmund. “He is the son of the Emperor over Sea, who saved me and saved Narnia.”
— from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the ‘Dawn Treader’, by C.S. Lewis

Of all the lines in the Chronicles of Narnia, this is one of my favourite.
You see, as we grow, we gain confidence in the things we know because they help us to define our lives and the world around us. But do you know that there is Someone that knows you much more than you could possibly ever know yourself? There is so much more beyond what human knowledge can possibly grasp on its own, because our Maker knows us much more. Completely. What we’re thinking, where we’re going, what we’ll tweet next–EVERYTHING!
And that’s a good thing, either way.

Where we think we’ve figured it all out, He knows that there’s still so much more Help we need.
And where we think we’re too weak or incapable, He knows that we have so much more strength in Him.

Abandoning what we know of ourselves to accept what He knows about us is surrender …but it’s true freedom as well! Really!
And that’s why He’s the only one we need.

So what do you think you know about yourself? Your IQ? Your blood type? Your temperament? Your limitations?
Let no one decieve you…

What you know– what ‘they’ know about you– is nothing compared to what He knows about you. And what He knows is the Truth! And, like He told us, it is the Truth that makes us free.

So trust in what He knows about you.

‘You are My child
My ransomed one
the one for whom
I gave my one and only Son.

You’re to die for
I’ve proven that for sure
I’ve cleansed you
and, by my Word, made you pure.

With Me, you can go up against a troop
With Me, the giants flee before you
With Me, you can leap over walls?
With Me…what can’t you do?
Tell me!

It doesn’t matter what they think they know.
It doesn’t matter what you think you know
You’re who I say you are.
And, yes, it is I that tells you so.’

It may not seem easy to see as He sees sometimes. We may still see problems and limitations. And the Truth of God’s Word may not seem so easy to see.
But keep your eyes on His, your ears listening to Him, and keep your heart on Him. It’ll change you to become like Him. It’s gradual.
But it’s all headed to that day when we shall be like Him, TOTALLY!

To love like He loves.
To see as He sees.

To know as we are known.

‘For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.’

1 Corinthians 13:12

(Originally posted on my Facebook wall on October 31, 2013)

Thoughts on Eternal Life

Think of the pages of a book. Each page is a 2-dimensional construct, with length and breadth. But the book as a whole is in 3-dimensions: length, breadth and height.

Our lives in space time are like a single page in the volume of Eternity.

On this page we consider life in the dimension of length (years) and breadth (achievements). So when we hear the term ‘Eternal Life’ our first inkling is that it means living longer. But it’s so much more. It has more dimensions to it; height and depth, if you will. It is God’s Life not on the grade of man’s.

It’s God’s gift to any who believe and recieve. Maybe that’s why Paul would pray for believers in Ephesians 3:18 that they would come to “…comprehend what is the breadth, length, height and depth.” It’s all encompassing, having promise in this life and beyond what this life can fathom or contain.

In Ephesians 3 Paul continued that he prayed for them “…to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge.” This part always fascinates me. It’s like plugging into a socket, but then that socket shocks and changes you forever. When we give our lives to and recieve Life from God, the course of our history and future, and our very definition of what life is aligns with His because we are assured of His love toward us. Even when there are challenges we are confident that He will keep us and/or show us the way out or give us the wisdom to solve it. We see no need to be covetous because He will never leave us nor abandon us (Hebrews 13:5) and with Him we have ALL we could ever need.

Such a person, who is assured in God’s Love and becoming a channel of His love to others, will live and do things at the scale of God’s standard more and more. He/she would live beyond him/herself and is more likely to recieve ideas and concepts that will bless others. The passions on God’s heart become their passions, and the temporal pursuits that this plane seems to offer either fade away into nothingness or gain more value in the light of God’s purpose.

Jesus called it Abundant Life (John 10:10), Life to the Full. Like a stream that becomes a rushing spring, gushing above and beyond the normal river course.

Height and Depth.

It’s where we’ll only ever truly find purpose in our life’s course. And as we follow Him it becomes clearer.

Just thought I’d share some of the things I’ve been learning. Hope this blessed you.

What does God’s Eternal Life mean to you? Do share.

😁

Don’t Give Up on Me: Nigeria at 59

Though I be frail in my old age
My past beset with much disgrace
My bones be weak, my spirit bleak
My children cringe to see my face

My best days may yet lie ahead
For my offspring are my greatest blessing
I shall still rise. I can still see
And I still breathe. I can still sing.

Dear children, speak kindly to me.
Your hurtful words cut like a knife.
Comfort me. Help me stand.
Call my dry bones back to life.

You are my face, my hands, my feet.
You are the breath I need to live.
Your strength and faith is what I plead.
You are the best I have to give.

The future has great opportunity
Don’t give up, you still have strength to run
Don’t leave me to wallow in misery.
My children, don’t give up on me.

Personal Note: My initial idea was to represent Nigeria as an old man. But the more it developed, a woman felt more appropriate, to go with the comforting vibe I was going for. Every aspect of the Nigerian economy and polity needs healing. We all do. Say a prayer for Nigeria, please. Put on your strength, and rise.

Nigeria still lives.

THE VALUE OF ONE

A couple of weeks ago, I misplaced my phone. While it occurred at a very dry time financially for me, I saw some things that I’d like to share. Life, as they say, doesn’t stop for us to contemplate our navels, so I had to start the process of getting another.
The major factor here was getting a new SIM card.
I first had to get a sworn affidavit from the Ministry of Justice to attest that I had indeed misplaced my SIM card, a process that took quite a while. But oh little did I know that I was just getting started. I needed to take the affidavit along with my National ID card to the office of my service provider. And of all times, this was a period when MTN was hosting customers for a new batch of registration. Every time I went to their offices I met crowds so thick I couldn’t even get in the gates. Many had come as early as before 6am to beat these crowds. Over and over, I would get to the offices and not get in.
All of this for a card and microchip tinier than my smallest finger. No, really, I checked!
After days of trying, I was finally able to get it on a Friday morning (yes, I had to go there as early as 6am).
And while this was not the most convenient of times, it was the best time because, in completely unrelated events, that office was burnt by folks agitated by the reports of xenophobic attacks, just days after I finally got my SIM card.
I pursued that SIM because much of my work and friendships are based on contacts and communication, all dependent on the SIM card. Without that tiny card, I was unable to get a lot done. Not to mention the hundreds of valuable contacts that I lost with my old SIM. But with this new one, I’m rebuilding the contacts database and adding new ones, one number at a time.

Through it all, what was impressed on my mind was that I was like that SIM card to God.
Now God is Self-Existent, and He does not ‘need’ me for Him to Be or to do all He wants to. But I was lost and separated from Him. He found me and made me New. Now, not only is He working in and with me, He is working through me to reach out to many. Just like a SIM card.

We are, each and every one of us, valuable to God. His Salvation Plan was much sacrifice on His part. It wasn’t convenient in any way, but He came and died and rose for us. Even the timing of Jesus’ coming was not convenient. His parents were looking for a place to sleep as His mother was entering into labour, for one thing. But, like the Scriptures say, it was in the fullness of times. There were lost souls before He came, and there are lost souls after the time He came, but His one sacrifice is the one we all look to and, believing, are saved.
That was the one time in history where in the land of Israel the prevailing execution style (imposed by the Romans) was crucifixion, in fulilment of the prophecies that His hands and feet would be pierced (Psalm 22:16)
This was the one time that a civilisation, the Roman Empire, had such a reach through the then known world so that as the Gospel spread in it, seeds would be planted that would reach into every sector and would go to the ends of the world as travels, trade and exploration expanded.
This was the one time in history when the Jewish nation still existed as an entity in their land, where the Passover fulfilment of Christ’s sacrifice would be clearly understood by the nation He was brought into. Every type and shadow illustrated in the Law, such as the Temple, was still fresh and apparent in their eyes, and as the apostles interpreted them in parallels with Christ’s sacrifice, listeners and readers could attest to it. Even non-Biblical sources from that era have documented evidence of Jesus, His miracles, His death and the believers’ beliefs in His resurrection.
This one moment in history, the timing of the coming of God as Man, could not have been at a better time. His teachings and the changes He wrought in the lives of those that believe in Him have been instrumental in much of the world’s systems of morality, emancipation drives, social justice and educational advancement, through the ages.
The world still has problems. Humanity is still in the throes of mortality. But everyone who believes in Jesus and His redemptive sacrifice for our sakes has His Spirit in them, His very Life animating their thoughts and actions and helping them all He made them to be. Just like a SIM card in a phone.
And when He comes to call us to Himself, all who have His ‘SIM Card’ will answer His call. Mortality will be consumed by Immortality, and the ‘Becoming-like-Him’ process we’ve been gradually going through would come to its “full-fill-ment”, just as it’s always meant to be. And will be like Him and with Him forever as He makes all things new.

You are very valuable to God. He would go to the ends of the Earth, to Hell and back, for you.
And, guess what? That’s EXACTLY what He did.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
ROMANS 8:38-39

PS: I have since gotten a new phone too, so, happy ending!

THE RIDER: Wilbur’s Story … The Animated Short

What do you do when a story won’t leave you for two years?

That’s kinda what happened to me.

Hi there! Emmanuel here! I want to present to you a little animated short I worked on and to explain some of the thoughts behind it.

Here’s the vid:

So what’s this all about?

The main character in this short, Wilbur, is a side character in a larger story I’ve been working on called The Rider. Like all my other stories, The Rider is especially dear to me because I see it as a depiction of a journey I find myself on much of the time.

The Rider is a parable of how our lives can be defined so many times by our activities. We find ourselves many times in a pointless race. Many of us are running after achievements and a better life. Many of us are running away from the poverty and strain of our backgrounds. We find ourselves plunged into this throng of motion, we lose ourselves in the midst of it all.

We desire some things, legitimate desires all. But there is one major glitch in the system: we are broken. And that’s why we remain stuck.

Truth is we are all thirsty. When we break down all our pursuits they usually come down to satisfaction, relief, rest, affirmation and acceptance, love. All good things. We pursue them in fame, in entertainment, in career pursuits, in our relationships. But the very problem of our broken nature, of our thirst, is that we cause so much destruction in our wake. We lapse into addictions, sap all the joy out of our relationships, ruin ourselves and hurt those around us, all in the pursuit of our satisfaction.

The thing is, while all these things are good, they wouldn’t satisfy because, and gear up for this, they were never meant to. They were meant to be enjoyed, not abused.

God our Creator became a man like us so that He could tell us that He has the water to satisfy our thirst. But get this, this Water is Alive. He called it Living Water. He said, “…whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14 NKJV)

The Life that He gives fills us and overflows, so not only do we not have to thirst again, but we can fill the need of others.

We can enjoy our career pursuits and relationships and journey because our affirmation and satisfaction are not dependent on them. We can live beyond our needs and limitations, and love without fear.

In the short above, Wilbur’s dissatisfaction with his life causes him to leave his family and the life he had. By the time he realises what he has lost, he has already caused so much damage and heartache. He decides to return home to make things right, but he hasn’t the strength to make it back.

Our broken natures are our very weakness. It is why our true journey begins when we come to see that we cannot do this on our own. Surrendering to God is admiting we haven’t got it all figured out. When we trust our lives to Him, He gives us the strength to live and do all we are meant to. To mend what is broken, and to live in His rest.

So why haven’t I finished the story?

Because, even though I’m one of those that have surrendered their lives to God, I still find in myself the predilection to see life from the perspective of thirst. I find myself seeking affirmation and fulfilment in the approval of others, and it never satisfies. It is to people like me that Jesus says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” (Revelation 3:20 NKJV)

I constantly need to let His reality overshadow mine. I need to drink of His water, to drown in it so that all I see in life is through His lenses. We all do. So that we don’t live the life of thirst when our very spirits are bursting with His Life.
So, yeah, I’m on that journey through the desert. I haven’t figured it all out. But even if I don’t, I’ll trust in His supply. I’ll soon be done though.

For as many in the desert as well, I hope you find the One Who is Living Water, and find that He is the One that’s been seeking you all along.

God bless you!

What are your thoughts? Do you find yourself in similar paths sometimes? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

FEAR ITSELF: The Man of Galilee

But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you.
Mark 16:6,7

“…and Peter.”
Those words kept ringing in the Galilean fisherman’s ears all night, filling him with both excitement and dread as his boat bobbed on the waters of the Sea of Tiberias. The salty scent of the sea and the cool breeze had been commonplace to him for much of his life, but after a three-year stint away from the trade, he realized that he’d missed it. The familiarity of the scenery was probably what he needed right about now.
Simon and his brother Andrew had left their fishing business to follow their teacher, Jesus of Nazareth. Oh, but he was so much more. This miracle-working rabbi had changed their lives with his message of bringing God’s kingdom to the world, and showing that it starts in the hearts of men. Simon – or ‘Peter’ as Jesus called him, the unshakeable stone – and his friends were convinced that he was sent of God and was, indeed, the son of God. Those last three years had changed their lives forever. Most especially, those three days at Passover.
Jesus was killed by the people. It was a spectacle that ruined Passover for the whole nation gathered at Jerusalem. His followers had all gone into hiding in the days that followed, afraid they would be next. And then on the third day, Jesus suddenly was not dead anymore. The grave was empty.
He was alive. Again, it filled Simon with both joy and dread.
…and Peter…
The past few days had been filled with some of the most extraordinary events. The women had seen an angel at the tomb, telling them that Jesus had risen. And, sure enough, Jesus appeared to the disciples and spoke with them. He had since been seen at different places, interacting with the people, walking with some as they travelled, coming and going as he pleased, encouraging them. These were truly exciting times to be alive.
But for Simon, as excited as he was, he needed a return to some normalcy. He had decided to go fishing when some of the others asked to come along.
“Ugh, how you folk do this is beyond me,” Thomas said from the stern. He had not been a fisherman before and had come along just to be among his friends.
“For starters, by not making comments like that,” Andrew came back.
“We’ve been here all night!”
John smiled. “We’d make a fisherman of you yet. Like my Pa used to say, no fishin’, no eatin’, no sleepin’. We die here.”
Thomas blinked. “Well, looks like we really don’t have to die anymore, eh?”
James shook his head. “It was just an expression. An anachronism, really—“
“I mean, I wouldn’t have believed it myself, but I put my finger in the nail hole of His hand, man.”
“We were there,” Andrew said over his shoulder.
“We should be out there, showing Him to the world. It’s nothing short of incredible. One moment he’s dead and we think we’re goners, the next he’s right there, standing in front of us.”
John chuckled. “You’ve been going over the same thing all night.”
“I mean, I didn’t believe you guys before. It was going to be the last time I allowed myself to accept the supernatural. But then He called me by name. As if He knew.”
“He always did know,” Nathanael said. “Things men weren’t supposed to know, He knew. Like the time he first met me, he told me where I had been earlier that day …”
And on and on they kept recounting events from their times with Jesus. Words he had spoken before suddenly made more sense in hindsight.
But for Simon, memories were what he was running from. The particular memory of that night. The night he denied knowing Jesus.
He had always known himself to be courageous, strong and always ready to take risks for a worthy cause. Maybe that’s why he had stuck out here all night, to once again prove to himself that he was strong and rugged. Because that one night, in the face of something he should have stood for, he had cowered like a rat.
Jesus had known beforehand too, and warned him.
The night Jesus was arrested Simon was ready to die for him, or to even rescue him. He had even snuck around the high priest’s house during the hearings. But then he was found out.
First it was the servant-girl that recognised him as one of his disciples. Sharply, without giving it a second thought, he retorted, “No way! I’m not!”
It was just strategy, he had thought. Soon enough he would be able to get in and get Jesus out of there.
Then as he warmed himself by the fire, someone asked again. “I am not one His disciples!”
But his accent gave him away. And then he found himself believing what he was trying to say. For that moment, swearing and cursing, he yelled, “I have no idea who you’re talking about! I don’t know this Jesus! I have nothing to do with Him!”
And the cock crowed, just as Jesus had said.
He was Peter, the unshakeable stone, the courageous disciple. The one who had always been with Jesus. The one who had seen Moses and Elijah appear to speak with Jesus. The one they all looked to. But when it really mattered, all of that was gone. For the first time, he saw the weakling that he was. That he had always been. He felt nothing like a Peter anymore. Beneath the unshakeable stone that Jesus had thought he was, he was simply Simon, son of Jonah.
But now Jesus was alive.
The angel had told the women, “Go tell His disciples, and Peter…” Jesus had not rejected him despite his denial. He should feel loved, grateful, thankful … but it made Simon feel small. Weak. Helpless. He did not deserve this.
Jesus had appeared to them, but He’d not mentioned the denials. Would He ever?
Simon turned to his friends and caught John’s stare. The younger man had been there that night, but he had not mentioned that bit to the others. No one knew of his denial of Jesus. They would never believe it.
Just as they never would have believed Judas would betray the Master.
“Got new orders for us, Captain?” John asked.
Simon was about to respond when a voice called from the beach. “Shalom aleichem, young men! Got any fish?”
“This would be embarrassing,” Thomas muttered.
“Not yet!” James called. “But we will! Shalom!”
“Way to keep the faith…”
“How ‘bout you cast your nets to the right of your vessel?”
“Just as well. The spectator thinks he knows how to fish better than us —“
“THOMAS!” they all turned to him, weary of his sarcastic banter.
“What?!”
Simon grunted, pulling up the nets. “We might as well. Don’t make no difference, anywhichways.”
“You know what this reminds me of?” Andrew piped.
“Don’t,” Simon said under his breath.
“We all know this story,” John added. “When you first met Jesus!”
“Don’t need to recount it,” Simon said.
“What’s your deal?” Andrew said. “Why are you so down when we’re all… whoa, didn’t expect that.” He pulled harder at the net. “Guys, are you seeing this?”
Simon was feeling it more than seeing it. The nets were suddenly getting tauter by the second. And heavier. It could be anything … but he knew it couldn’t be just anything except…
“Ah!” Thomas yelped as a fish splashed on his face and down on the deck, to the amusement of the others. And more fish came up. The net was tipping the boat on its side as it filled with more fishes, piling and squirming in.
“Is this really happening?”
“Good Golan Heights, put your backs into it!” Simon yelled. “We’ve hit the mother lode, boys.”
“Oi, again with the anachronisms,” James muttered between pants.
Simon felt a nudge. It was John, looking back to shore. “Isn’t this the kind of thing He’d do?”
Simon followed his gaze. The stranger on the beach was still standing there, a smile barely visible from this distance. Barely familiar, if Simon allowed himself to go that far.
John turned to him. “It’s Him! It’s the Master!”
Simon knew. Like in a dream, he realised he had really always known. He knew with all his heart that—
“Whoa! Hold on!”
But Simon had already grabbed his coat and leaped into the sea. He came up for air. “I’m OK! Tie the nets to the stern and drag it to shore.” And with that he swam, hurrying towards shore. Hurrying towards Jesus.
The Master stood on the shore, grinning. A fire of coals lay by his feet, and sure enough fish was roasting on it. He had bread in his hands. Wait, if He already had fish why was He asking for fish? And He still grinned, a twinkle in His eye.
“Master…” Simon ran into His embrace, still wet and cold.
“It’s about time, My friend.”
The others arrived by the boat, the net dragging behind them. If sight were any judge Peter guessed there were over a hundred fish caught. If he were still in the business this would have been a windfall. Amazingly, the net had not broken. But the Master was here. The disciples hurried over to him.
“You guys have been at sea all night,” He rubbed his palms. “Join me. Let’s have breakfast.”
It was just like old times. After they had laid out the fish to dry they sat with the Master as they caught up on everything that had been going on. Nothing else felt wrong in the world when they were with the Master, even though they could not keep their eyes off the holes in His hands no matter how hard they tried. Even Simon’s fears seemed to hang somewhere in the back of his mind now.
When they were done, Jesus turned to him. “Simon bar Jonah. Do you love me more than these?”
“Without question, Master.” He felt the gazes of the others bore into him. He felt John’s the one who had been there that night. He had once felt like the Master’s most loyal follower. Not anymore. But he wanted Jesus to know that he did love him. “You know that I love you, Master.”
Jesus nodded. “My lambs, I want you to feed them. Feed my lambs.”
So Jesus still trusted him with responsibility, just like always.
But He wasn’t done. “Simon bar Jonah. Do you love me?”
He had not put the comparison with the others this time. Simon’s response was less confident. “Yes, Master. You know that I do. Love you.” He gulped. “You know that I love you, Master.”
Jesus nodded. “Feed my sheep.” He sidled closer. “Simon bar Jonah. Do you love me?”
It was the third time.
Just like the three times he denied Jesus.
He knows! And He’s telling me that He does.
“Lord, you know all things. You know that I really do love you.”
I am sorry, Lord.

“Feed my sheep.”
Peter blinked. Really? Despite all that You know? You trust me to feed your people?
Jesus looked up at the others, bringing them into the conversation. “You see, when you were younger, you could dress up and go and do whatever it is you wanted to. When you get older, others will help you get there. You will be too frail to.” He looked into their eyes. “Sometimes your spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
He had said the same in the garden, before his crucifixion. Simon remembered this well, because Jesus had said it to him.
“This is the death that would glorify God. The more you grow in My grace, the more you will see My strength aiding you, empowering you in all you need to do. Your dependence on Me, not by your strength. Not the strength you think you have, but the one I give. The arm of flesh will fail.” He turned to Simon. “It always does. This is the death that glorifies God. The death of self, so that My life may flow through you. Without me, you really can do nothing.”
He placed His hand on his shoulder. “Follow me.”
There was something about knowing that Jesus knew every detail of him – his strengths and flaws – and still accepting him that assured Peter that he was in the right place. In the day of adversity, his strength had failed. But this strength that Jesus was promising, this Holy Spirit that He had been promising to send from the Father would help him to be and do all that he needs to. To stand in the face of adversity, to walk in His Master’s footsteps.
To follow Jesus.
And, yes, now he felt like an unshakeable stone. Unshakeable, because he would be held not by his own power, but by the power of God.
Yes, he knew he really was Peter.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

Peter in a letter to the exiles of the dispersion, circa A.D. 65-68 over 30 years after the Resurrection

(1 Peter 1:3-5)

—–

To every one of us, our courage can only carry us so far.
And when our strength fails, it makes us feel less than we thought we were. It makes us doubt our strength.
But God sees that. He does not berate us for acting or being weaker than we ought. No, He comes to our very level to show us His strength and enablement, and by His love brings us to His level. As we grow to trust Him more, our confidence in Him is restored, and we grow in Him. Soon we realise that what made us afraid really is nothing in the face of the Lord who is alive in us.
Like David said, “…when my heart is overwhelmed, ‘Lead me to the rock that is higher than I!’ ” (Psalm 61:2)
God’s perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). His love toward us makes us realise then that He does not come to judge us for our fear. He comes to calm our hearts so we can see Him bigger than our fears, and we can trust in His strength.
And that’s what He delights in. Like a Father, He embraces us and sings in our ears, surrounding us with songs of His deliverance (Psalm 32:7). Telling our hearts of His power to save and deliver. This is how He casts out our fear. Through His words to us.
Therefore, we cannot afford to be distant from God’s Word. It is how He speaks to us, through what He has said as it is written. The Holy Spirit is alive and at work in us to give us understanding and to guide us.

This is the ultimate victory over fear, God’s love for us. He showed this completely in redemption, coming as Man to die and rise for our sake, to make us free from the bonds of sin and death.

Our awareness and acceptance of His love toward us is what frees us from fear.

Everything that could ever defeat you has been defeated by Jesus’ death on the cross. Through His victory over death, He has taken away its sting over you. You need not fear death, or anything else. We are more than conquerors ‘…through Him that loved us!’ (Romans 8:37)
I consistently remind myself of the fact that if God loves me that much, He would not let evil befall me. It is not His nature or desire to. So even if there is an appearance of evil looming, like the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil “For Thou art with me.” (Psalm 23:4)
Your victory over fear is not in your confidence in yourself. Rather, it is in your confidence in God’s love for you and His power at work in you. The more you give yourself to His Word, the more your heart receives His songs of deliverance, and the more your mindset is transformed to see your fears as the shadows they simply are in the face of the One Who is in you. Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.
So even if you’ve ever given in to fear, it’s OK. All Jesus asks of you, from wherever you are in your faith walk or lack thereof, is what Jesus has asked of us all. Just as He said to Peter. It’s His Way, the only Way that gives you Life, and Love.
“Follow Me.”